I feel so ugly inside. Even with all the clothes and shoes and two cars in my garage, I feel so empty and deprived of sanity. Life is a struggle and I am just so fucking done.
Sometimes I wonder why other people are so Happy, then I realize that everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. I have left behind the past, the gloomy days but my student debt follows me around like a cat call. Why am I such a fucking mess?
I am so upset and absolutely on the verge of a Mental Breakdown. I have to contend myself on why I only run to God when I struggle? The truth of the matter is that I hate Capitalism and the way it degrades human beings into feeling like they are nothing but mechanical pieces achieving no end but that of becoming an empty void, instead of a vessel to be filled by the love and light of God.
In hope of achieving a better outcome, I have stepped away from Society as a whole and decided to experiment and seek out answers to life's biggest questions; in fact, personalised answers that can only come about through taking on vows of poverty. As much as I fight against the current of society and change, I am truly fighting a battle deep within myself to go past all my hurts and griefs and become the person I am supposed to be. God has given every human being potential and talents to apply and the wisdom to know how to deliver them to the rest of humanity. But, I have realised the hard way that God cannot fix everything in us until we are willing to be our own helpmate.
So with this new way of looking at my life, I have decided that faith will win.
It will win each and everyday until I have nothing left but a deep mired (MURRRRRRRR) of hatred and sickness for the Karma of Capitalism and it's negligent attitudes towards the souls who are truly in the purgatory of the real world, with no help, food or shelter. My vision keeps breaking me, instead of me breaking my vision. I am trying to fix the world.
This is me.
This is Mind Control.
Love,
Mimi
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