Maternal Warmth and Other Excerpts From The Womb

                                                                       Warmth:

    This entire experience of being jammed up on the house with my family has revealed a new territory that I never even knew counted for something. I undermined motherhood to a great degree due to my parent's divorce and internalized resentment. I thought motherhood was a frivolous pre-occupation, taken on by women lacking real purpose and enough ambition to make it to the top of the Corporate Ladder. 

    If you asked me a few years ago what I wanted from life, I would tell you an Executive Position for a major Publishing Firm in New York and an ever-growing potential to be even greater. There was also more stuff I added to my dream career board. At one point, I changed my entire goal post to include a more exciting career.With every disappointment in life, I wanted to counter it with a bigger career goal. 

So what changed?

    Once in a life someone comes around who shakes up your entire existence and makes you rearrange that ambition. Not because it's not in his self-interest. In fact, it's the exact opposite. It's because he sees enough potential in me to see that I am capable of warmth and accepting my maternal instincts. I feel so lucky to have finally become in touch with my feminine side, thanks to my new relationship. My year started off heavily on the same broken record of Achievement, and now, thanks to him, I found a care-free existence; the type only a mother can bring into this world. 

I Just Launched My First Book on Amazon. Here's Why I Could Care Less How Many Copies I Sold

I have not been excited about much over the last month.  The bitter taste of mortality, combined with am ever mounting pile of snow outside,  and caring for a loved one makes for a Non-Nonchalant me.

What to do? What to do?
Oh, I know, I'll finally finish off that book I've been putting off.
The one born out of a series of tumultuous relationships and short-lived friendships and just the general feeling of chaos I've been feeling inside and out. The one that's been turning me into someone I don't really recognize anymore.
More on that later (probably never).


For anyone interested in checking out my book for practical help on Loving Oneself as a Single Person wading through life, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B081Y8DVTP
Now that I have got the marketing portion out of the way, here is my take on what the Sales Figures of My First Book Ever really mean to me:
Nothinggggggggggggg!!!!
Absolutely Nothing. ZIP. NADA. NILCH. NAI (Wait, is that even a word?)

It's not that I don't value my work or know my worth. Far from it. Countless one-nighter were pulled in an effort to finish this book. Even then, I was way behind production schedule. The only thing constant throughout the entire writing process was my constant backaches and loneliness. The only person who pushed me to finish my book was myself. So you'll have to excuse me if I sound a bit proud. However, I am in no way, shape or form attached to the sales record of this book.

Perhaps it's because I am just a novice writer, just stepping my foot into unfamiliar territory. Or, I lack the self-confidence to assert my marketplace value to the best of my abilities. One thing is for certain though. No-one is able to help me grasp the meaning of my writing path except myself. The same way no-one can take words out of me and pour them onto a page. For this reason, I choose to stay focused on the Art, instead of the Numbers.

If enough people resonate with what I have to say about life, thoughts which are biased and washed over my my life experiences, and they end up buying my book, then that's an added bonus. I'm here to save lives, even if it just happens to be my own.