How To Break Out of Codependency For Good

 Trying, Trying, Trying, 

Itching to get it right. I have fallen over the edge of my own existence trying to untangle myself from the webs of deception, both online and in real life. I have been aching for a parcel or package that enraptures the heaviness of breath I feel; I feel and fill and full on take the responsibility for my emotional states.

One neuron at a time. One split-moment, hair raising decision at a time. Today, it was the decision to clean my room. And while all the Feng-Shui and Eastern Philosophies fall by the wayward side in my attempts to destroy myself, I still feel the need to come clean. Over and over again. 

It is as if the most dreadful component of my existence, something I will forever Cherish, Nurture and Adore is the thing that haunts me the most; Loneliness. How utterly alone do we feel? This fear runs like sand in the Sahara Desert. Or water in the Ganges. Just like the cliches I cannot outrun, I cannot outrun the Toxicity of CoDependency. I choose to break my chains one at a time, like any sane human being would. 

Yet, I imagine it to be easier said than done. Before I wrote this post, I was thinking of writing a Book about CoDependency. Yet, unbeknownst to my knowledge, this was hypocrisy at it's finest. How could I write a book on a subject I was still just beginning to view, like the way you would view a lion's mane, on a National Geographic Documentary about Africa. 

So I started doing what I thought was almost impossible. I put my relationships on an extended angle, far enough to know I can cope without constant presence of a caretaker or loved one, and close enough for compassion. Which is a huge thing, that I believe in whole-heartedly, albeit a bit recklessly. I cannot even believe myself when I tell you, I gave up fighting for approval of a tiny niche in the Self-Help Column, or fighting for shelf space at the local Cole's whilst rejecting a Coors Light. Even those ones can't do justice. Neither could Lady Liberty. Could I do justice to a way of relating to humans that I inherited from my Ancestors? Or, could I retreat back into my shell, forever seeking closure in Loneliness. 

Here's the interesting part. Almost always, the answers come from within. And this is one of life's biggest mysterious. What is the source? So we search and search and search. Only to find the mystery unravelling before our very eyes. The answers only present themselves if we have a telescopic view of our inherent nature. So before I knew CoDependency, I knew myself. 

Where was I?

 What did I Do? 

What Did I See?

And I ask and I ask and I ask? Do you see the point of this? Even the article itself is mired, not just mired but trenched in schisms of CoDependency.

But Why?

Is it the Capitalist Agenda to destroy our inherent safety net? Or did I once again take on the burden of Atlas? And whilst my windowsill musings turned into window pane, I concurred that there was no resolution in trying to write about CoDependency when I have not even started to depend on myself yet. Instead, I have dwelled on the size of my audience and what benefits it can provide for me. If that's not CoDependency, I don't know what is. 

The Bare Minimum Truth: 

The Only Way To Break Out of CoDependency?

Through Trial and Error.