How It Feels To Be An Over-Achieving Nihilist

 When you hear the term Nihilist, you probably immediately think of The Joker. I reckon he is the ultimate Nihilist. I reckon he is the ultimate Nihilist. 

But is he really?

Maybe he's the one who's been lucky enough to have a spot as a villain in award-winning comics and an entire Movie Saga. However, there are good Nihilists; High-Functioning, productive members of society with Morbid, Nihilistic Tendencies. 

1. Meeting your High Standards justifies your life. Only for Today. Tomorrow, your start back at Point 0. 

2. Monotonous tasks don't kill your Spirit. They make you as High as a Kite. Sometimes. 

3. You are equally obsessed and deeply resentful of functioning in a Performance-Based Economy. 

4. Money is your biggest motivator and the most numbing part of your existence. 

5. You are materialistic, superficial and full of unbearable sorrow that only exists due to the way you think. As a Nihilist though, there's nothing you can do about it. Do you see where this is going?

6. You can't count the number of times you've planned the Perfect Date, Brunch with The Ladies, Movie Nights with Mom, only to have your Clinical Depression snatch it away at the very last minute. 

7. The idea of moving away to a remote village is more realistic than a steady career at Medium.

8. You could let dust bunnies eat up your couch if you stopped acting like Lady MacBeth. 

9. Every good story you have is about what you achieved and how you're still the most miserable person on planet earth. 

10. You could go on for weeks without talking to your family and friends if it was socially acceptable. 

You see, mainstream society seems to snub it's nose at spacing out of unnecessary conversations, family drama, and saying No to other people's Emotional Baggage. It's promoted as part and parcel of Family Matters. In reality, a Global Nihilistic Agenda hidden under the guise of "Family Values." 

Ironically, this is the same society that enables and promotes Divorce and the increasing opportunity for a single-parent households. But that's none of my business right? 

Despite all this, I am still a Conservative. Don't ask me Why. 

I have no Idea!

Quote of the Day

"I am always humbled by the fact that an asteroid could hit the planet at any time and wipe us free of all existential crises. It would absolve us of responsibilities and I find that very comforting." 

Exploring The Dynamics Of A Broken Relationship

 When I think of beautiful things in my life, I think of everything except brokenness. Despite living in a world where Compassion exists everywhere we want to try looking for it, I still fall short of my keenness to look for the good side of broken things. 

I was broken once upon a time. It was something I considered to be a shameful piece of me. Yet, I considered every goal under the world to be something I could use to move past my pain. In the inevitable case that you find yourself in the same position, I want you to know that brokenness is a part of our humanity. It actually connects me to myself deeper than anything else ever has. 

It wasn't until I began to ask the deeper questions in life, thanks to the Kindness of Strangers, that I began to reckon with my brokenness. I did not believe that therapy or friends would help me. I shut out every kind word from my mom. In other words, I learned the hard way on how to deal with the complex emotions and feelings that my brokenness presented to me on a daily basis. Furthermore, I became isolated to the point of existing as an Island before I realized how much help I needed. 

The same things that broke me are the same things that fix me. I do not know why life is absurd and full of such complexity. I become myself when I revisit the past hurts and painful memories that I once buried deep within my sub-conscious. When I focus on what needs healing, it is my broken relationship to a parent. A brother. A neighbour. A friend. An entire support system teetering on the brink of disaster. This is how I feel all the time. It is encapsulated as my brokenness. But it is also partially a response I get from my Anxiousness to people. I am surrounded by a demiseful interpretation of myself which reckons me to construct reality integers apart from endorphins. 

You can love real people if you remember the real integers in your facade: Intelligence, Usury, Integrity, Intentions, Greatness, Diligence, Economics Of Humanity. 

Can I ever become this person again?

Here's What I've Learned at 27

 1. Comfort makes more prisoners than all of the Jails combined. 

2. If you don't control your environment, someone else will. 

3. Don't just make money. Make a difference. 

4. Success is your Duty, Obligation and Responsibility. 

5. Starting at the Bottom isn't a Deficit. It's a GIFT. 

6. Set your targets higher than what you think you deserve. 

7. If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.